Giving you enough love, praise, attention to keep you holding on, but never fulfilled...
Welcome back to this new article on Love Crumbs. If you missed the first one, CLICK HERE.
After I wrote the first Love Crumbs, many people asked me "Lindsay, what does this have to do with our health?!"... and I realized how an article on love and relationships might seem like it's coming out of left field... but it's probably one of the most important things to practice for optimal health! Why? If you bear with me for a few minutes I will tell you a quick story.
I have a dear friend who works like crazy running her own business. She was previously married, but doesn't have kids. She doesn't have time for hobbies and all of her friends are married or dating. She loves her family, but doesn't feel like she can vent to them, or share her heart, because they just want to swoop in and fix it. When her marriage ended badly, she jumped right back into a committed relationship... which was great for a few months, then started to deteriorate, then got hot and heavy again, then after almost 2 years it ended badly.
She called me in tears when she finally broke up with her boyfriend. I asked her, "what can you do to refill your tank and to love on yourself?". She thought about it, and could not think of 1 thing that she could do to step out of the pain and desperation she felt, and claim a happy feeling. So I tried something else, "what can WE do together that will fill your tank? Get a manicure, make dinner, go out, get massages, travel somewhere, watch a funny movie, etc.?". And she replied:
"I just feel so sick to my stomach, I can't eat, I've already lost 10 lbs, and my hair is falling out, my skin is breaking out, so I just don't want to go anywhere or do anything. Nothing will make me happy".
Do you see where I am going with this? Our mental state, our ability to fill our own tanks, to shift our perspective, to TRULY love ourselves, and to show up and heal ourselves, directly impacts our physical wellness. Stress causes inflammation, which is the root of all evil when it comes to our health.
If we look to others for fulfillment in our own lives, we will be stuck in a perpetual downward spiral of negativity, stress, sadness, anxiety, and disconnected from the ONLY thing that we can control... OURSELVES.
Learning how to self-satisfy does NOT mean distracting yourself with other things... it means refocusing on what FULFILLS YOU. One of Tony Robbin's best teachings is "You FEEL what you FOCUS on". If you are focused on what you're not getting from a relationship, or a job, and you spend your time focused on pain, stress, fear, you are going to keep yourself in that awful state where you cannot heal.
You might overeat, binge on junk food, or stress starve and not nourish your body, your hair, skin and nails will weaken, your endocrine and lymphatic systems will become stressed and overwhelmed. It will impact your sleep, your libido, your mood, your focus and clarity. You will set yourself up for illness, disease, injury, and so much more.
In my practice I don't just use bloodwork and other health data to personalize wellness plans with my clients, I gather data on their mental state, the type of relationships they have, how they feel about themselves and about their relationships, do they feel supported, cared for, are they living the life THEY want to live, are they fulfilled, do they feel overwhelmed... the intake survey takes about 30 minutes to complete, but it gives me the MOST IMPORTANT data-points on which to build a sustainable plan for optimal wellness. CLICK HERE to check out and complete the intake survey.
I've found in the data from the intake survey, that most people who want to get healthy, also feel that they are not fully supported, heard, seen or loved. They are stressed, overwhelmed, and confused on how to start. If you are not fulfilling yourself, nor inviting supportive, loving, generous people into your life, and drawing boundaries with the rest, you are welcoming in chronic inflammation and everything that comes with it.
So where did we leave off last time? I don't want to just give you problems, I want to give you solutions. Here are the steps I outlined in the last article:
Step 1: Wake up and realize that you cannot live/survive/thrive on Love Crumbs.
Step 2: Get real with yourself. Identify your behavior patterns, true needs and wants, make lists of people and vices in power over your life, and make a daily commitment to self-satisfaction.
Step 3: Just start. Be brave. Remove the people with power grips, change behavior, get support, ask for help, be bold, be unafraid, and forgive yourself for not being perfect.
...and today, in this article, I'm not giving you anymore more steps, I'm going to give you actual tools for the steps above!
Tool 1: Write a list of the ways you accept Love Crumbs from others, and from yourself to achieve fulfillment. Example: My boyfriend leaves me love notes on my desk when I am stressed from work, but lately he has not, so now I just feel stressed all of the time because he is not leaving me notes and I've started to resent my job.
Tool 2: Next to each item on the list, write how YOU can find fulfillment or shift the feelings of lack. Example: When I am feeling stressed at work, I will get up from my desk, give myself a big hug, and say "this is temporary stress, you've got this, I love you" and write yourself a post it note that says the same.
Tool 3: Write down what you want to feel, why you want to feel it, and how you can feel it right now by refocusing. Example: I want to feel energized and excited about work, not stressed. To feel it right now I will write down 5 reasons I am grateful for this job/work because that will help me re-focus on the positive.
These are just a few tools to help you feel fulfilled, so that you can STOP accepting Love Crumbs from others, and START self-satisfying. The less you are looking for fulfillment from others, the happier and healthier you will become. Shift your focus away from the love that you lack, and be grateful for the things that you have in abundance... You only have control over yourself; what you focus on, how you choose to feel, how you show up in your life, and what you accept from others.
Make these small hinge changes to your life to obtain optimal health. It's all possible. And if you want my help, I am here for you :) CLICK HERE
Love & yum,