Updated: Sep 13, 2022
Giving you enough love, praise, attention to keep you holding on, but never fully satisfied...
I launched this website to help people heal their mind, body & soul, with easy-to-implement "small hinge" changes to their diet and lifestyle. Since I launched it in January 2020, we've suffered a major global pandemic and attack on our health and happiness. Personally, I've gone through lots of transformation since then... divorce, move, loss, love, heartbreak, financial stress, and feel like only NOW am I finally back in the drivers seat of my life.
It's an empowering but also terrifying place to be... taking FULL responsibility of my life, health and happiness, as a single mom with 3 young daughters. I don't expect to succeed 100% of the time, or live a perfect life that is always happy, healthy and easy. But I do feel like all of the pain of the past has not only led me to my life's purpose, it has also awaken me to NEW areas of opportunity for growth and healing.
Recently, I've experienced a great loss, heartbreak, chronic anxiety and depression. My world flipped upside down, and was turned inside out. My hair is falling out, my skin is a mess, and I've been palliating my pain with alcohol and crap food. As imperfect beings we are CONSTANTLY looking for satisfaction and fulfillment outside of ourselves. Some need constant love and attention, or praise and to feel valued, and other's need to feel seen, heard and appreciated. Honestly, I need all of the above.
Lately, I felt very unsatisfied, and it dawned on me that instead of taking the initiative to satisfy myself, fill up my own tank, and give myself what I need, I was begging for and accepting crumbs of love (Love Crumbs) from others. These Love Crumbs can come from a partner, a parent, a boss or colleague, and even a friend. People who we go to help satisfy us, make us whole, fill our souls, etc. hold an extraordinary amount of power over us. And while they may not intentionally use that power to hurt, control or manipulate us, if we live ONLY on Love Crumbs, we will starve ourselves of deep satisfaction, happiness and optimal health. Living on Love Crumbs will kept us in a place of lack and stagnation so that we are constantly craving more, but cannot move forward in life.
We need to give ourselves MORE, fill up our own tanks, so that we can be healthy, happy and put ourselves back in the drivers seat in control of where we are going.
Let me tell you 2 quick stories...
Years ago I had this boss who praised me in every meeting... for the first few months. I felt invincible and empowered and so I started diving into the job deeper. Giving more of my time and attention to building the business. Until one day, about 6 months in, he pulled me aside and said "you're typically great in meetings, but I've heard that some of your clients think you act boastful and like a know-it-all, so I need to ask you to tone it down a bit.". So I did, I stopped speaking up even when I had a solution, and asked more questions. Then, my boss came to me a month or so later and said "you know I think you're doing a good job, but it seems like you are confused about the direction of the business and don't have a firm grasp on what your clients need. You are supposed to be the expert.". Again, I modified my behavior to appease my boss and take the constructive criticism to action. However, just a few short months later, I was laid off and told I was not the right personality fit. I'd spent over a year trying to do my job to the best of my ability, becoming an expert in my field, but then toning down my "ego" and trying to please my boss, just to ultimately be fired for it. He strung me along with Love Crumbs, manipulating me into being someone I'm not so that I can earn praise and keep my job. I didn't know it at the time, but I was desperately seeking that praise to keep me soulfully satisfied and happy because I was so unfulfilled in other areas.
Why did I crave these Love Crumbs? It started early, as it does for most of us. I was raised by a narcissist who only showed me love and attention when I behaved and acted "perfectly". He taught me how to morph to fit into any situation, please people, and only care about what others thought of me. My self-worth was, and still somewhat is, tied into looking good, being helpful, pleasing and making others happy, and always putting others first. He was the first man in my life to string me along down the path of self-discovery with Love Crumbs. Never teaching me how to self-satisfy and be authentically me.
My most recent partner taught me a lot about this, and supported me in refocusing my attention inward. He constantly encouraged me to ask for help, and dig deep to figure out what I need and want for my optimal HEALTH & HAPPINESS. But with all of his nudging I still had a hard time doing it on my own. He eventually got frustrated, and I got stuck waiting for him to push me in into self-satisfication. I needed to learn how to break-free from living off Love Crumbs my whole life, and put myself back in the driver's seat. But how?!
This brings me to today, and the journey of discovery I'm on now. What I've learned so far are the first 3 steps:
Step 1: Wake up and realize that you cannot live/survive/thrive on Love Crumbs.
Step 2: Get real with yourself. Identify your behavior patterns, true needs and wants, make lists of people and vices in power over your life, and make a daily commitment to self-satisfaction.
Step 3: Just start. Be brave. Remove the people with power grips, change behavior, get support, ask for help, be bold, be unafraid, and forgive yourself for not being perfect.
I know #3 is vague, but that is intentional. No one person is the same, and we are all in a constant state of flux and change. My life and perspective today is vastly different from my life and perspective last week! So make of it what you will. Add to Step 3, create your own steps 4, 5 and 6... Keep exploring yourself, your needs and wants, as they change and are satisfied. Never stop fighting for yourself and the things and people you love and cherish.
We spend a lot of time in this community talking about diet and exercise, but what about our head and heart? In the grand scheme of life it's not about what you look like, or how long you live, it's about the quality of the days you have on this planet. Don't live off Love Crumbs AND give MORE than Love Crumbs to others to help inspire them to do the same.
P.S. - Let's teach our children how to self-satisfy so they can love themselves deeply and enjoy as much health and happiness possible.
UPDATE: just 2 weeks late one of my favorite love gurus posted this video on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/reel/CiXmqt1Dhok/?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y= - He sums up Love Crumbs in such a beautiful way ❤️
Love & Yum,